In 1969 my mom and dad lost their first baby during his birth. In tremendous grief, they buried him in a tiny coffin in downtown Los Angeles and through tears and a broken heart, tried again and welcomed me to the world one year later. Shortly thereafter they welcomed my brother, Danny and that made us- the Steppers.

Family was everything to us because my mom and dad were both only children so we had no aunts, uncles, cousins. My mom and dad knocked themselves out to create a beautiful, connected, fun-filled life. We were a tight knit family that snow skied and boogie boarded together and took lots of trips and adventures all over the world together. They built a wonderful life for us with great friends who loved Jesus and each other well.

But in my teens, life broke down privately and secretly and I became so very sad, so alone and lonely, and so hopeless drowning in a deep sense of loss…. No one knew, and I didn’t tell anyone what was happening. Anything broken or wrong was kept hidden and any need was shoved down or locked away. The hope I had put in people I looked to and looked up to, to save me, was killing me. I started on a journey to save myself from the feelings that seemed to swallow me. I tried all the things the world has to offer to fill that emptiness. I kept looking to people to pick me up. And I kept getting let down.

Looking to God and Scripture for understanding, God himself showed me that people will always disappoint me, Jesus is the only person that will never disappoint me. I realized I had put all my hope in family…and it had become my god that I bowed down to and worshipped. My hopelessness had driven me to all the wrong people and places and things that stole the life God gave to me.

John 14:5 says “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Yes, God did call me to surrender my life that day when I hit bottom. And He continues to ask me daily to surrender my life to Him. But you know what? That’s the crazy thing about God: He commands my life, but He gives me back a redeemed life that frees me and the people I love to enjoy His love and the life He gives, without regret.

They don’t have the weight of having to be my savior, they can just be fellow travelers with me, enjoying Him and the life He gives to us all. God does give us beautiful gifts in family and friends, but we miss it if we bow down to those connections as our gods to save us. It is too much for any person to have that kind of place or position in our life. Only Jesus can rescue us from sin, from death, from our big ideas of how to save ourselves. He saved me and He keeps saving me every day.

Jesus changed my life.

I have so much more to tell. And I will :) Though it's much easier with a mic than a keyboard. I'll get my podcast up and running, and let the stories fly.